Useful Tips

How to admit that you are gay or lesbian


Recognition is a great decision that should not be taken lightly. If you are ready to admit your unconventional orientation to your friends, family members or even your community, the most important thing for you is to feel comfortable with your sexuality before you open. After recognizing yourself and accepting yourself as the best, you can do it well to think through what to say and know what to expect. Although no one says it’s easy to confess, you should be proud of yourself for doing this, and now you will enjoy being free to be who you really are.

This article focuses on gays, lesbians, or bisexuals. If you want to know how to confess, if you are transgender, click here.

What is cuming out and LGBT?

The acronym LGBT refers to lesbians (L), gays (G), bisexuals (B) and transgender people (T). It appeared in the 90s in the United States to refer to people with a violation of gender identity, as well as those belonging to sexual minorities.

Celebrities also come out, for example, Sarah Paulson, an American actress, admitted to her gay sexual orientation back in 2015, when she began a relationship with Holland Taylor

Cuming-out - recognition of a person to the public that he considers himself an LGBT person. For many adults and especially teenagers, this step is very difficult.

Why are children afraid to tell

In our society, a situation has developed in which the conversations of children with parents about intimate life, if not completely reduced to zero and taboo, are usually not considered necessary, as a result of which teenagers are forced to engage in their own sexual education. That is why the recognition of relatives in such a spicy detail of personal life as non-traditional sexual orientation causes fear.

It adds to the fear of being misunderstood that the previous generation suffers much more homophobia - even in the USA, where today it is relatively loyal to this phenomenon, back in the 1960s there were massive oppressions of LGBT people.

Teenagers often face a negative reaction of parents to even the most insignificant situations, so they do not want to trust them with the secret secrets and details of their personal lives

A person who has decided not to conceal his non-traditional sexual orientation from his parents faces a difficult dilemma - on the one hand, he seeks support and wants to be frank with people closest to him, and on the other he is afraid to shock them, cause a negative reaction and be rejected.

Parents for the future: do not demand revelations from the child if he does not want to tell you about his life. So you can only worsen relations with him. As soon as a child or teenager is ready to share his feelings, if he is sure of your adequate reaction, he will definitely do it.

Palpation of the soil

Before you make a cuming out, you should spend some time evaluating the situation and trying to anticipate the reaction of parents to such news.

To do this, you can give them some random opportunities to express their opinion about sexual minorities. You can put a film dedicated to this topic, in the presence of parents or after watching Swan Lake, say that Tchaikovsky, the great composer, recognized even by the Communist Party of the USSR, is none other than gay, and then look at them with an appropriate look, waiting reactions.

Guy Julius Caesar is one of those historical figures who are credited with numerous novels and connections with people of his gender

If parental statements are neutral, this is a good sign. Even modest silence does not bode well. And expressions and other manifestations of aggression that offend LGBT people are a reason to think.


You can prepare your parents for their cuming out using the following unobtrusive disseminations of information about LGBT people in their lives:

  1. Watch films about LGBT people, read magazines. It’s just not like there was nothing on the coffee table or in the playlist except this. Do not hide these media - behave naturally. Such a step, by the way, can lead to the fact that parents themselves will be interested in your orientation, which will greatly facilitate your task.

If you want to talk with parents about books with LGBT topics, you can mention the famous “Portrait of Dorian Gray”, in which this line was clearly traced, in 2009 the film version of the book was released

A few films about LGBT people are: “Happy Together” by Wong Kar-Wai, “Carol” by Todd Haines, “Watch” by Stephen Daldry and “My Personal Idaho” by Gus Van Sent.

We make a cuming out

Before committing a cuming out, it is important to understand that you may not be able to redo the consciousness of other people. Just as you recognized your orientation as the only true one, and they have the right to their attitude to this.

However, parents, having their views on LGBT people, must recognize your exclusive right to organize personal life - no more and no less. Only on the basis of such freedom of opinion can we transfer the negative reaction of relatives as painlessly as possible.

Caming out should be done in one of the following ways:

  • To say it bluntly. You should gather your parents and calmly inform them that you are LGBT. To do this, you need to have nerves of steel and confidence in the adequacy of your relatives. Choose the moment when the family will have a more or less calm atmosphere.
  • Talk to one of the parents. Unfortunately, often parents are the classic duet of "good cop, bad cop." Admit that you are LGBT, first to mom or dad - depending on who better accepts you for who you are. Entrust him or her with the first conversation about orientation with the second parent. This is especially true if he is a homophobe.

When talking with parents about their orientation, you need to be convincing, but not too persistent to avoid a tense atmosphere and a hostile mood

Further actions

After you have come out, let your parents recover a little after what they hear. Do not require them to instantly take your position - often this comes with time. Be prepared to wait for the mutual understanding to return between you.

The negative reaction of parents after a cuming out does not always mean not hiding their child and disagreeing with his position, it is worth remembering that this is another generation with its beliefs and attitudes

If your parents want to lead you to a psychologist, do not resist and do not try to convince them: let the appropriate specialist do it, since they only listen to his opinion.

Be calm with your parents: say that you love them and hope for mutual understanding.

In which cases it is better not to admit

Sometimes it is not worth parents to admit to their non-traditional sexual orientation. If they categorically do not accept LGBT people, they are clearly aggressive in their address, and they also plainly say that they do not want to have such children, think about whether you are ready to break off relations with your parents.

Personal life is a matter of a particular person. He does not have to share it with anyone, not even his parents. Always keep this thought in your head. No one has the right to influence your relationship with yourself and with other people.

Before the recognition is to decide whether it is necessary, or is it better to leave your personal life a secret. Sometimes, non-disclosure of one's sexual orientation can maintain a good relationship with parents and help to avoid serious conflicts.